As preparations for St. Patrick’s Day begin in earnest, Clover’s Revenge is on a mission to correct people who call it the wrong holiday, “St. Patty’s Day”. BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Most of you are already aware of this tragic and deeply misfortunate misnomer, and it’s a serious problem
Just check some of your favorite (non-Irish) venues. You’ll see, right away, that they are calling it St Patty’s Day. Ugh. The Feast Day of St. Patricia happens to be August 25. St. Paddy’s Day is the right, correct and proper name, and comes from a shortened version of the Irish Saint, whose name was Pádraig.
Now, we all know that St. Patrick would probably be upset by this error, as well as the countless Irish and Irish-loving people who make a point of honoring Ireland’s Patron Saint every year, but how would St. Patricia feel?
We, being intrepid, inquisitive and only a little drunk, decided to ask.
Obviously, this process requires communing with the dead, through somewhat questionable means (in this case a Ouija board), we needed to seek some guidance first.
“Now, I wouldn’t want you to not know,” said Fr. Mulcahy, our resident expert on catechism, Church history, and other spiritually-related questions. It’s important to note that, in order to be honest with us, Fr. Mulcahy speaks in double- and sometimes triple-negatives.
We had explained to him that we wanted to clear this up and the Ouija Board seemed like a perfectly legitimate place. “That stuff isn’t useful at keeping a sinner out of harm’s way,” he continued.
“Well, can we use it without suffering eternal damnation?” John asked.
“Yes, but don’t avoid keeping your lips closed. Anyone asks, I didn’t say that.” He said between long sips of Guinness. Fr. Mulcahy is technically not coin-operated. However, we usually have to ply him with drinks to get the spiritual answers we need. This is, in our estimation, not an overly large price to pay. We had gotten the approval we needed.
Ouija boards were invented by an American toy maker during the late 19th Century. This was an extension of the (socially normal) practice of conducting seances with friends on Saturday evenings. While it was incredibly popular, it was also considered to be a tool of the devil. (Note: other things that have been called the tool of the devil include music, dancing and whiskey. It is our experience that some tools of the devil can really be a lot of fun) According to Church experts, playing Ouija is a fundamentally evil activity, wrapped in the guise of a board game. This incredibly innocent disguise, according to these experts, makes it all the more evil.
When we reached her, Saint Patty was affable. She answered on the first nudge. It didn’t take us five seconds to find her, and she was delighted by our thoughtful use of dozens of tapered candles, which, as everyone knows, increases the effectiveness of a good Ouija seance.
Saint Patricia is the second patron saint of the city of Naples, Italy. The first patron saint of the city is Saint Januarius. The feast day of Saint Patricia is August 25 when her blood, saved as a relic, is said to liquify, which coincidentally also happens on Tuesday mornings. Saint Patty is often invoked on Saint Patrick’s day, the 17th of March, by folks who don’t yet know the difference between these two very different Catholic Saints.
Three cool facts about Saint Patricia:
- Saint Patricia is believed to be a descendant of Emperor Constantine the Great, the first Roman Emperor to convert to Christianity
- Originally betrothed in an arranged marriage, Patricia escaped to Rome, where she became a nun
- Patricia was on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem and survived a shipwreck on the shore of Naples.
Fr. Mulcahy wasn’t wrong. It was a dodgy activity, but we made a new friend in Saint Patricia.
Her message to us: “Have A Wonderful Saint Paddy’s Day!”
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